Sexpo!

Like every other curious ah-pek in Singapore, I forked out $15 today to check out our nation's first ever Sex Exhibition. I do not deceive myself: I know that after probably 5 or so rounds of heavy government censure, the few straggling survivors that would make it to the exhibit to hawk their wares would disappoint. In short, I went without a trace of hope.

A woman on-stage was speaking about romance in the Zodiac. An entertainer was forcing 3 embarrassed couples to blow up condoms, when the look on their faces said they would rather be watching Harry Potter. There were policemen everywhere.

Everything was watered down. Not even a single pictographic hint of a cock or a cunt could be seen amongst the "exhibits." Even the dildos looked blue and shapeless, and were probably only allowed on display because they resembled dolphins. The most interesting item for sale was this penis enlargment pump kit. Of course nobody bought it.


There were some feeble attempts at artistic, cultural representation. Replicas of Gustav Klimt's The Kiss were hung around haphazardly, as well as chinese scrolls, snuff bottles and pillowbooks depicting couples in various positions of copulation. Whatever. Even the centre-piece of attraction, a donkey saddle with a wooden cock sticking from it for torturing adulturous women in ancient China, looked exactly like what it was: a donkey saddle with a wooden cock sticking from it.


I think this saddle best represents the state of things in our country, where something is conceived and executed for the express and rigorous purpose of teaching deviants a lesson, all the while unaware that the woman on the mule is probably having the most orgasmic ride of her life behind those theatrical screams of agony and repentence.

Finally, I came upon something that really made my day, because this was the most accurate reflection of the Singaporean psyche. If any picture could sum up the times, it has to be the one where our good countrymen obediently get in line to observe live sperm swimming under a microscope. We even have to queue for our spew. Now that's Singapore for you!