Turning Point

I have reached the turning point in the life of every modern human being. An important juncture confronting every rational man and woman in the developed world, and I have to make a decision fast. But I just can't. I simply can't decide which diet to go on.

After my exams I realised that the scale had expressed a forbidden number. And this was not by gym bunny, anorexic or ludicrous standards. I just wanted to stay trim like when I was 23, and it wasn't happening. So I went diving. I ran. I had sex. I ate brown rice. I moderated. But nothing worked. My weight languished lazily on a plateau, and showed me the middle finger.

So now its my turn to tell it to fuck off. But I just can't decide. Atkins? Cabbage Soup? South Beach? Help....