Kids

Today I drilled into 2 rotten teeth for the root-canal treatment of a 4 year old girl, and she did nothing but smile throughout. I extracted 2 stubborn baby teeth of a 16 year old boy with Noonan's Syndrome, who looked and behaved in all aspects like he was only 6. No problem.

Then came the 5 year old boy who refused to let me near him, telling his father to shut up when the poor man tried to buy his co-operation. Not surprisingly when I raised my voice at the brat, this self-same man glared at me as if I was criminally abusive.

And finally the 11 year old girl who I spent 1 whole maddening hour on just to administer a local anaesthetic so I could remove a miniscule tooth remnant. After every conceivable form of encouragement, coaxing and bribery failed, I ended up shouting so loud at her that the entire clinic of 50 or so people froze in their tracks. It didn't work.

In the end I forced my way in with the needle and elevator, as 2 nurses pinned down her hands and head and her own mother pressed her flailing legs to the chair. It was all over in one painless minute.

You must think that I am barbaric. Yet my actions are nothing but necessary. When you deal with children you also deal with their parents' twisted psyches, their mis-informed upbringing, and their most irrational fears. In sparing the rod, we indeed spoil the child.

So my advice to all you parents out there: spend just that few seconds each day to actually have a look into your toddler's mouth, before it gets to a point where you have to drag them screaming to the dentist. And when they're being brats, beat the shit out of them. You will spare everyone else involved the unpleasant trouble.