Alexunder

I can't stand it anymore. I have to get this out of the closet.

To all you innocents who have not been inflicted with Oliver Stone's massive train-wreck of a movie please do not subject yourself to this 3 hour long spiel of drivel which is by far more taxing then its shaggy sexually polymorphic protagonist's trek across Asia minor 2330 years ago as if anyone really gives a piss.

Colin Farell sucked despite looking like Gawain whilst gazing at Jared Leto, who's claim to fame in the early 90's was My So Called Life. Angelina Jolie sucked despite clearly relishing her role as Evil Sorceress in Willow, which is an entirely different and of course better movie she never acted in. Rosario Dawson sucked despite her jug flowing over au Naturelle. Anthony Hopkins sucked despite being Anthony Hopkins.

In fact the only person who did not suck was Val Kilmer, who's come a long way since Willow, and who arguably put in the most emotional investment the whole film by simple virtue of being fat.

There. It's out. Why even mention the plot?