Integration

I once read a book about personality types, based on some cryptic system called the Enneagram. I think there were 9 types of personalities, and I remembered identifying most strongly with Type 3, the actor. The details of the book, or even the characteristics of the person I am supposed to be, are now forgotten. The only thing I remember is what the ultimate aim for fulfillment of every Type 3 would be: that the person I am truly becomes the person who I appear to be - integration between internal and exterior.

Yes, it was a whole load of crap. But as the years passed I realized the truth of it more and more. Knowingly, unwittingly, I've been knocking those barriers down. There are only a few more left. I've saved the hardest for last, but I think I can do it.

Exam is only 3 days away, I have never studied so hard in my life. For the first time I truly want to do my best: there are no excuses left. It's friday night, 2.34 am, and I'm alone in the flat in London, notes scattered all around me, and it feels wonderful. Must be old age.

I left a gap since March. This has only happened once before, in October 2005. This April I went to Istanbul to meet LT, one of my dearest friends. She travelled there from Dubai, where she is currently working. We had the most beautiful time. Soon, she will realize her ultimate dream: the move to Vancouver she had envisaged, planned, and saved up for, so many years ago.

I feel overjoyed for her - I now understand the power we have to take control of our own lives. She was always the stronger though. Never relying on guile or trick of circumstance; just sheer determination and force of will. This complimentary difference must be why we are still such fast friends and will always be, despite the fact that in 2 years time she will be in Canada, and I in Singapore, an earth's revolution apart.

I took so many pictures, but have no urge to record them here and now. Perhaps soon, when I have time to gather my thoughts, will I be able to justify this grace that is inexplicably there.